


There are Times

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Episode Tag, Episode: s06e07 A Change Is Gonna Come, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-10-08
Updated: 2005-10-08
Packaged: 2019-05-15 10:51:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14789132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: Abbey's ramblings over Jed's mid-concert confession.





	There are Times

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

**There are Times**

**by:** Caroline 

**Character(s):** Jed, Abbey   
**Pairing(s):** Jed/Abbey  
**Category(s):** Post Ep for "A Change is Gonna Come"  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Summary:** Abbey's ramblings over Jed's mid-concert confession.   
**Spoiler:** "A Change is Gonna Come"  


Sitting next to my husband, fingers laced through his, I can smell his cologne, a scent as familiar to me as my own perfume. I've noticed that he's kept me closer than usual. Something's wrong but, chances are, he won't admit anything. But, I decide to loosen him up anyway, "You're very friendly tonight." 

He looks at me, "Just cause I can't keep my hands off you." When could he? That thought brings a smile to my lips. 

But something about his voice and the look on his face makes it disappear and causes me to ask, "What is it?" He shakes his head, denying anything. 

Then, I see his lips move in response but I can't hear the exact words. Maybe my subconscious blocking out what I don't want to hear. I lean in closer and can feel his breath on my cheek, "The green flag. I didn't see it. (*pause*) I couldn't tie my tie. I haven't been able to focus. Or see out of my right eye since early yesterday morning." 

I want to yell at him. Why didn't he tell me before? Why wait until now? I feel the tears welling up in my eyes and have to look away before I lose it. When I get myself under control, I chance a glance at my husband and see the tears in his own eyes. I squeeze his hand tighter in reassurance. I want to yell at him. At God. At everyone sitting here. Everything's been going so good. Our marriage is back on track. He's getting things done. His relationship with Leo has never been better. He's almost finished with his presidency. And now...I can't bear to think of what could be happening. I don't realize I'm squeezing his hand harder and harder until he whispers my name, voice full of pain, and motions to our entwined fingers. "Sorry," I somehow manage to get out. I focus all my attention on the music and try to clear my head of everything. I can't think about it now. 

There are a million thoughts running through my head, yet my mind is completely blank. Time passes, but I don't notice. I feel his hand in mine, squeezing gently, and I can't accept that he's not fine. 

Before I know it, the performance is over and Jed's pulling me to my feet to clap. We put on brave, happy faces and make our way to the stage. I notice his gait is off just a tad and he's leaning more weight into me. I didn't notice before. Maybe my mind's playing tricks on me, but that's probably too much to hope for. Hope. God, such a simple word, Such a simple concept. Yet, it's so hard to keep hope when everything seems to always be kicking your ass. 

It's amazing how easy it is to smile and greet people without conscious knowledge of doing so. It becomes automatic, like blinking or breathing, after such a long time having to do so. 

I don't care about these people, what they think of my hospitality, or what repercussions my being inhospitable could have. I want to make sure my husband gets to sleep. I want to take off this suffocating dress and take a scalding hot bath. I want to wash away the hopelessness and fear. I want to forget about the truth of the present and the terrifying uncertainty of the future. I want to scream into my pillow and cry myself to sleep. I want to wake up and discover that my husband is merely a hypochondriac-he never even really had MS. 

But I've seen the MRIs, the CAT scans, the relapses. There are times when I regret being a doctor. There are times when I wish I didn't understand everything going on in his body. 

Then again, all that knowledge and I still don't know why the hell it's my husband, the father of my children, my best friend, my lover, my soul mate, that's suffering from this illness. God has a cruel sense of humor, giving such intelligence to such a caring man, only to snatch it back piece by piece. 

I watch him from across the room, talking to Leo. He's not as animated as he usually is when talking; that could be attributed to his state of exhaustion. If I didn't know better. I continue to make my way around the room, making sure to keep an eye on him. 

There are times when I don't think I can deal with losing any part of him. There are times when I wish I could walk away and not feel as though my heart's been ripped out. There are times when I want to run and keep running until I can't feel anything. 

Our eyes lock across the room and I know he's ready to head upstairs. That smile graces his lips-that smile just for me-as I make my way toward him. When he places his arm securely around my waist, I forget about running. 

There are times when I can't imagine living without him. Times when my love for him overwhelms so much, I physically can't breath. There are times when the whole world disappears and it's just the two of us looking into each other's eyes. 

There are times I forget that he's being taken away from me. 

Those are the moments I treasure most. 

THE END 


End file.
